Want to Boost Your Communication Skills? Avoid These 3 Little Words
You might not even notice that you say these words daily, but they can hold you back.
This post is part of my Thought Leadership series: long-form articles aimed at teaching you how to build great work cultures where people and businesses flourish. If you’re joining me for the first time - welcome to your leadership development journey! Get started by clicking on that red button below. From there, I promise to do everything possible to provide the pathways to make you that much better and more effective as a leader.
You’re chatting with a colleague at work, and suddenly, they seem to check out. Maybe their posture shifts, their tone flattens, or they stop making eye contact. What happened? Was it something you said?
Chances are, yes.
There are certain words we all use without thinking that can derail conversations, undermine trust, and hold us back. Let’s shine a light on three sneaky little culprits that might be sabotaging your communication—and how to handle them better.
1. “But”
“But” is sneaky. On the surface, it feels harmless, but it often cancels out everything that came before it. When people hear “but,” they translate it as: “Ignore everything I just said; now here’s the real story.”
Here’s an example:
“I appreciate all the work you’ve put in, but I need this redone.”
The compliment gets wiped out by that tiny word, leaving only the criticism behind.
“But” also loves teaming up with its buddy, “if only.”
“If only I had more time, I’d finish this project.”
“If only my team supported me, I’d be ahead.”
And let’s not forget the dreaded “yes, but”:
“Yes, but that won’t work for me because…”
This phrase is a one-way ticket to negativity. It shuts down ideas, solutions, and collaboration.
The fix: Replace “but” with “and” or restructure your sentence.
“I appreciate all the work you’ve put in, and I’d like us to adjust a few things to make it even stronger.”
It keeps the positivity intact and makes your feedback easier to digest.
2. “Try”
This word might seem polite, but it screams non-commitment. It’s like giving yourself an escape route before you even begin.
Think about how these sound:
“I’ll try to finish the report by tomorrow.”
“I’ll try to make it to the meeting.”
“Try” usually means: “I heard you, but it’s not a priority, and I don’t want to admit that to your face.” People with strong emotional intelligence can see right through it.
The problem? “Try” creates doubt—both in yourself and in others. If you’re always “trying,” people start to see you as unreliable.
The fix: Replace “try” with “will.”
“I will have the report to you by tomorrow.”
“I will be there for the meeting.”
Commit to your words. As Yoda famously said: “Do, or do not. There is no try.”
3. “Can’t”
No one loves hearing “I can’t.” To your teammates, it often translates to: “I won’t.” It makes you sound unwilling to contribute, even if that’s not your intent.
If you truly can’t do something—maybe you’re swamped, don’t have the skills, or lack the resources—there’s a better way to handle it. Focus on what you can do instead of shutting the door.
For example:
Instead of “I can’t finish this report today,” try: “I’m not confident I can finish this alone. Could someone guide me so I can get it done by tomorrow?”
This approach shows effort and initiative, even when limitations are real.
These little words—”but,” “try,” and “can’t”—sneak into our conversations unnoticed, but they can have a big impact. The key is catching yourself in the moment and making intentional shifts in how you speak. Over time, these small changes can transform how others perceive you—and how you see yourself.
So, next time you catch yourself mid-sentence, pause and rethink. Your words carry more power than you realize.
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